The whole of humanity, after generations of evolution, has reached a point where they rely on different portals to let them know what is in the store for us. Hence, to serve humanity, here’s the horoscope for the week of October 13.
Aries (March 21 to April 19)
Today, you may feel like you are a piece of shit. While you will struggle hard to disassociate yourself from the feeling, you will end up accepting the truth. You are a piece of shit.
Taurus (April 20 to May 20)
Remember that you are unimportant to everyone, even for yourself. Stop fantasizing making money and getting rich. You will never get there. The maximum you could afford might be a seat in IMAX for the next Avengers.
Gemini (May 21 to June 20)
All of a sudden positive vibrations will surround you and force you to double guess your luck. By doing so, the positive vibrations will go out of your door inviting back the negativity.
Cancer (June 21 to July 22)
You will be flooded with attention from the opposite gender. The attention will drive you crazy. Before you could take things further, you will realize it was just customer care.
Leo (July 23 to August 22)
Navika Kumar will lurk around your Whatsapp chat. Stop asking ganja from your friend.
Virgo (August 23 to September 22)
This will be your lucky week. You will fall sick, get removed from your job, and spend the whole week watching Arnab Goswami and a beer in the hand.
Libra (September 23 to October 22)
Your birthday week! You will feel old, lonely, and end up hating birthdays. Your relatives who you thought were dead will call you up to wish. In embarrassment, you will resurrect them in your head.
Scorpio (October 23 to November 21)
You will order pizza from your favorite restaurant. On the way, your pizza will be drenched in rain. In the end, you will eat bread.
Sagittarius (November 22 to December 21)
You are advised to stay outside. The pressure to get married by your parents will make you crave for the coronavirus.
Capricorn (December 22 to January 19)
You will overthink about death. You end up googling your symptoms only to get to know that it is not coronavirus. It may be cancer.
Aquarius (January 20 to February 18)
Your dream of having a pet will finally come true. Your new boyfriend will be waiting at your doorstep.
Pisces (February 19 to March 20)
You get a dream about having an inter-caste marriage. Upon getting up, you will be lynched to death by your family for having a progressive dream.